I Trusted You

I’ve been writing songs since I was 15, and it’s always been a dream of mine to release one of them. I’ve spent the past eight years wondering what the first song I would want people to hear to be, and never did I ever ever ever think that it would be a song like “I Trusted You”.

This song is about the worst three months of my life. I remember having to fall asleep watching Friends every night because I couldn’t bear listening to my own thoughts. My heart would always wake me up in the middle of the night racing and feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. I couldn’t listen to music. Sad songs reminded me that I was sad and happy songs reminded me that I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t work. I was at the doctor a lot. I felt like a burden. I felt like a failure. I felt disgusting in my own skin. And I truly believed that I was never gonna be love-able again. All because of someone else’s careless actions.

I was grateful enough to have a dad that would always pick up the phone despite the time zone difference, and friends that let me sleep in their bed when I was too uncomfortable in my own. But I’m also grateful that I got the chance to write a song that encapsulates the vast amount of emotions I was feeling at the time.

This song is about being haunted by trauma and the effect it has, not only on you, but the people around you as well.

Never did I ever ever ever think that “I Trusted You” would be the first song I’d release. It’s blatantly personal. It’s dark. It’s angry. It’s rock. I say “fuck” a lot. It’s also nearly six minutes long. But it’s also exactly the song I wish I had during the worst three months of my life.

I hope it makes you want to scream a little bit.